Tending to Details & Making a Mess
There are some people in this world who are excellent planners. These are the people who can map everything out for you and deliver a beautifully flawless product/project. These people are extremely gifted in bringing grace and harmony to all of us, and guess what? I AM NOT ONE OF THESE PEOPLE! Not at all! Although, I will truthfully say that I am extremely grateful for these people, because without them: our world would lack order, grace, and beauty.
Thankfully, through my intuitive work and studies in Soul Realignment/Akashic Records as a professional Healer & Psychic, I am acutely aware of what I am and what I am not. This allows me to love, appreciate, and celebrate myself and others all of the more. This attitude of gratitude and acceptance extends to how I show up in my relationships, my own personal health and well-being, and in my business. What I have come to find is that unless I choose to use a huge amount of time and effort “trying to be perfect,” I am counter-productive. When I try to be someone I am not, I end feeling stressed out. What I have come to accept and embrace about myself is that although I may appear to be messy and lacking structure, I am truly deliberate and intentional and I deliver great work! Read my testimonials if you would like! (Yes, this portal-way of seemingly shameless self-promotion is going somewhere. )
Anyway, through choosing to be who I am and acknowledging what I am not, I get to let my light shine. (#law of polarity) I get connect with people and support them in knowing that they are whole and perfect just as they are. I also get to use my uncommon common sense to support other people in making sense of their lives, loving themselves, and cutting through illusions of fear. BUT I AM NOT IN ANY WAY a person who does things in an orderly and graceful fashion. And after years of being bothered by that, I am OK with me!
But, do I sometimes bother myself and other people at my inability to look a certain way or appear a certain a way?
OF COURSE!But it does not happen as often or as intensely as it used to!
See, I spent a large portion of my life either trying to please other people OR going outside myself to rebel—in an often passive-aggressive fashion. This act of rebellion was truly based in my own resentment and perceived short-comings of how I was not meeting others people’s/my own expectations. This behavior came out in many ways. To go back to an earlier age, either I was smoking as a teenager or wearing blue eyeliner and purple lipstick at age 12. But as an adult—when I fully know and accept that I have:that we all have, access to free will and choice— I would find myself getting totally piss-y about how I was not adding up to other people’s expectations—expectations that I judged as being “douchey.”[And now, it comes out in me failing to proofread my work…My “fear” about proof-reading is that I will spend hours pouring over my work only to choose to second guess and censor myself. Now, from some things that have come-to-light recently, I have realized that while my fear/point is valid, it might totally be holding me back from delivering the highly structured and accurate work that I love: my intuitive healing sessions and classes! My choice to rebel against proof-reading or asking/paying someone else to do it—might totally be some under-handed and an interesting type of self-sabotage that I might be engaging in. OF COURSE, there is another side to this: I own all of my “mistakes” and typos and grammatical slip-ups, because I am imperfectly perfect, lovingly and endearingly flawed, and a highly structured piece of ART! Anyway, this is just a fun example of how I use Universal Law (Law of Polarity) and self-awareness to lovingly look at what might be self-sabotage and gaining the wisdom and awareness to move forward in the way that I choose…]
In looking at the details of life, I find myself reflecting on my post-college days and how I used to engage in this attitude of “not caring” because in my mind, it was “cool” not to care. Now, I realize that in hind-sight, I really cared so much. Only, I was not aware of how to articulate how much I cared. I was “confused.” I did not know my motivation for caring. But this type of rebellion: not caring, showed up as me being late to work; donning an un-ironed and maybe even stained shirt to wait tables in—not the case for every waitress-ing job, but this was a manifestation of how much I disliked what I was selling. (In this case, I was working at a cooperate restaurant where were encouraged not to have personalities and tell people that we were “taking care of them” for their time at the restaurant.)
During this time, dreams and self-expression were (and always have been) important to me, but I did not even know how to admit that or build from that. Instead, I chose to either get angry at the circumstances I was choosing for myself or to stay quiet in the comfortable energy of confusion. From being very sensitive to other people and whether or not I adapted to their expectations and in lacking the self confidence or awareness of how to move forward, I chose not to let my light shine. I did this to protect my heart.
I saw and experienced what happened when people were different. Even if it was something/an incident that had not personally happened to me, I was aware of other people being judged and persecuted for their political beliefs, sexual orientation, and religious/spiritual/humanist practices. Documentation of persecution and the consequences of angry, judgmental, and intolerant groups of people(#tribal tirades) is flooded in the collective consciousness from stories the past, present, and future. We see it on television. We read about it. We even learn about the ugliness of humanity at the grocery store. We relive it in history class and on museum tours. It is all around us and yes: it needs to be addressed and acknowledged so that we can move forward.
But for years: instead of getting in touch with my own inner dream and wisdom and my own hurt and pain, I would unabashedly state that people sucked and that I could not stand bigoted and narrow-minded people—all of the while, I was being judgmental about and narrow-minded with my own self-expression.
All of this was coming from a place of trying to defend and keep me safe from what I did not even know that I had!
Now, I still do this. Now, it comes in a different ways now. Currently, I am very intentional and opinionated. I know/accept what drives me and I have chosen to commit my whole life to my bringing love and wisdom to the world….Now, this is not an easy thing to do, and I will honestly tell you that I go through times of self-doubt. As embarrassing as it is to admit—see, I still judge myself—I still worry about what people think of me. And you know what? Despite everyone else’s opinion of me—whether the ubiquitous/ambiguous ‘them’ likes me, approves of me, loves me, tolerates me, ignores me, hates me, or finds me annoying: I choose to keep going. I am moving through fear to create what I want!
As it pertains to “tending to the details and making a mess,” according to the Law of Gestation, I planted a seed in my mind and heart about this course that I would create called, “The Wise Sage Reconnection Program.” In this time, I have watered and nurtured my seed/idea. I have created content. I have witnessed other little plants grow from the fruits of my labor—these little gems “give me evidence” that I am truly “onto something/on the ‘right’ path”
Choosing to reconnect with my own Wise Sage—with my own inner wisdom—allowed me to LOOK and CONNECT with the TRUTH of what I wanted to create. Through connecting with my Wise Sage and inner dream, I was able to be my own healer of emotional pain and my own warrior to exposing the illusion of what I had “bought into” to stop me. Through connecting with my own Wise Sage, I have created the following:
- Asthma-free life—that damn inhaler is in the trash can
- Allergy-free life—that little runny nose—well my nose is not so little but anyway: those watery eyes, and scratchy throat are only fleeting annoyances who visit me for minutes at a time and leave the same day. They are no longer my seasonal unwanted guests! But get this, I welcome them anyway, because they offer me powerful insight into my own bullshit!
- Satisfying Primary Relationship—-I accept and love myself more and this allows me to accept and appreciate my partner more. I know where our talents reside and I would never change him for the world—although now I am able to freely communicate and articulate what I do want from him. And believe me, it was not always that simple…But that is another blog post!
- Bee Loving Bee Wise- I get paid to write, connect with people through intuitive healing sessions and classes, and create my own authentic content. Prior to this, I thought I would make money doing what I had to do and did not love doing to survive. This never really made sense to me anyway and I am now giving myself permission to be me and on my terms.
These are only a few examples of how my life has shifted since I have connected with my Wise Sage. The other examples are not as tangible but they have led to the aforementioned results. What are they? I have created self-awareness, self-care, and LOVE. I have reclaimed my life through giving myself permission to explore the truth—that which is Universal—and to use my flair for writing and connecting with others as a way to shed light on what I perceive as true for other people who are: in their own way, searching for answers.
Through the Wise Sage Reconnection Program, I am sharing with you what I know and I am guiding you into finding/embodying what you know. I am not able to give you details right now, but I can promise you an opportunity to heal with love through connecting with your inner wisdom. I can also promise you a strong possibility of having your buttons pushed. This course will allow you to confront things that seem like they are true but that are not true. You will get to see how you are participating in dis-empowering beliefs and illusions.
Even though this program may not feel great the entire time and even if it may not always (if ever) be beautiful and harmonious and graceful, I am STILL willing to create a safe and gentle space of love and wisdom for you to release what does not serve you. By embracing changes in your inner world, you get to experience the circumstances you want in your external world.
I have gone through it. I will continue going through it. AND I will be with you the whole way through!
Until Saturday, May 4th, the Wise Sage Reconnection Program is on sale for $80! This is my early bird special! (The original price is $120.) Here is a schedule of the program:
- Saturday- May 11 at 1 PM EST: Live Class through teleconference (Lesson 1)
- Wednesday- May 15th: Lesson 2 delivered to your email
- Saturday- May 18th at 1 PM EST: Question-Answer/Spiritual Advising Live Teleconference
- Wednesday- May 22nd- Lesson 3 delivered to email
- Saturday- May 25th at 1 PM EST: Question-Answer/Spiritual Advising Live Teleconference
- Wednesday- May 29th- Lesson 4 delivered to email
- Saturday- June 1st at 1 PM EST: Question-Answer/Spiritual Advising Live Teleconference
- Wednesday- June 5th- Lesson 5 delivered to email
- Saturday- June 8th at 1 PM EST: Question-Answer/Spiritual Advising Live Teleconference
Also, to support you and to support me in supporting you, I will be including mini-Inner Wisdom Readings from accessing your Akashic Record. This allows me to know who you are authentically and to support you in the course. To register, please fill out the form below. This form has information that I will need to access your Akashic Record. After you register, I will send you an invoice via PayPal. There are other ways to pay but arrangements must be made and arranged for by Saturday, May 4th at the ABSOLUTE latest for you to receive the discount. [contact-form][contact-field label=’Name’ type=’name’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Email’ type=’email’ required=’1’/][contact-field label=’Website’ type=’url’/][contact-field label=’Name at Birth’ type=’text’/][contact-field label=’Place of Birth’ type=’text’/][contact-field label=’Date of Birth’ type=’text’/][contact-field label=’Comment’ type=’textarea’ required=’1’/][/contact-form]